Decisions Made
I walked out the door of my job for the very last time at the end of September. At the same time, that very same day, I walked out on my husband.
I can't pinpoint the moment my marriage fell apart. I can recall many events and instances and fights full of silence over the past few years, evidence that my relationship was more than in trouble. But no one particular thing made me thing, "A-ha! This cannot be salvaged!" It was a slow and steady downward spiral.
I should have left sooner, before I was taking every opportunity to bitch about my job and my marriage. Before I stopped being able to find anything nice about them. But I wasn't ready to leave. As long as there was one tiny good thing about my job, about my marriage, I had a glimmer of hope that everything would all get better, that I was just going through a "rough patch."
If I just tried a little harder, put more time and energy into it, changed some other little part of myself, my professional and personal life would stop sucking my soul dry.
Things didn't get better, and I came to realize that they never would; there were no tiny good things left to sustain my hope. No matter what or however many times I changed, the other variables in the problematic equation refused to change or even acknowldge that they needed to.
I don't wish him any ill will, I don't wish him harm. I'm just finished waiting for him to grow up and realize there are two individuals in a relationship.
And so I am moving to Anchorage. The ties that were keeping me in Fairbanks are gone (or soon will be), and Anchorage gets me closer to my family.
I have some moving to be done.
13 Comments
I love you very much and am in constant prayer for you! Thanks for the three weeks - I loooooooved it.
I'm sorry for all the badness and hopeful for all the goodness. *hugs*
And I never even had a chance to meet you. Although I did notice a gal with a camera taking pictures around the University. I did stop and ask if she was you.
{{{hugs}}} and here's hoping everything goes as planned and the rest of your life is beautiful.
Good luck to you - you're one brave lady.
Here's one of those "if only I knew" moments, but then what could I/we have done...nothing I guess. So, I hope the best for you as you embark on this new journey. I hope that you enjoy the trip and find what you seek.
I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out, but I'm glad that you are able to see what is best for you and move on. I hope you find something more fullfilling in Anchorage.
It's been far too long since we were able to visit in person.
I love you. I hope to hear that life is going better soon. Scarey to make BIG changes.
I love you.
My prayers are with you and I am both sad and happy for you. Enjoy the ocean lapping over your feet and the cool breezes in you hair. You deserve the fullness God has for you and nothing less!
This is very sad. I wish you all the luck and I hope you can find what you're missing up here in Anchorage. Drop me a line if you want to get together or need any help. I'm always around.
I love you!!OK I am corny but I keep hearing this song in my head.. " Everything is going to be all right rock-a-by" I miss you very much and I am praying for you sexy..
if you have not heard it in a while. Cute Outfit! :-)
Go team!
I'm sorry. That sucks. I was wondering why all of your posts were coming from Homer and not from here. I hope Anchorage is all that you hope it will be.