rhapsodic.org is a weblog by Valette Keller

Soft Pretzels

2 cups warm water (100°F to 110°F)
1 tablespoon + 2 tablespoons sugar
1 packet active dry yeast
5 to 6 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1 tablespoon salt
2 teaspoons canola or other neutral oil
1/4 cup baking soda
1 large egg
Coarse or pretzel salt

In a bowl, combine water and 1 tablespoon sugar, stirring to dissolve sugar. Sprinkle with yeast and let sit 10 minutes until it looks foamy and your boyfriend comments how much he loves that yeast smell. Wait until he clarifies that he loves it in the kitchen, not so much on people.

Add 1 cup flour and mix with a wooden spoon until combined. Add salt and 4 cups flour and mix until combined. Put your spoon away and wash your hands because you were just rubbing Olive for being such a good widdle doggie. Stick your hands right into the bowl and put some of your love into the dough. Add 1/2 cup flour and knead unil fully combined, getting flour all over your orange shirt. Drop onto a lightly floured board and knead until smooth.

Pour oil into a large bowl; swirl to coat sides. Transfer dough to bowl, turning dough to completely cover all sides. Cover with a kitchen towel and leave in a warm spot for 1 hour, or until dough has doubled in size.

Line two baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside. Punch down dough to remove bubbles and transfer to your lightly floured counter. Knead once or twice, divide into 16 pieces, and wrap in plastic.

Roll one piece of dough at a time into an 18-inch-long strip. Yell at the dog who is barking at you for not paying attention to her, unable to do anything because your hands are covered in dough. Thank Steve for blocking her out of the kitchen. Twist into pretzel shape; transfer to prepared baking sheet. Cover with a kitchen towel. Let pretzels rest until they rise slightly, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat oven to 450°F. Fill a large, shallow pot with 2 inches of water. Bring to a boil. Poke head into living room to find Olive pouting on the couch while staring into the kitchen, and a pile of toys as peace offerings at the door to the kitchen. Add baking soda and remaining 2 tablespoons sugar to boiling water. Reduce to a simmer; transfer pretzels to water a few at a time. Poach 1 minute on each side. Use slotted spoon to transfer pretzels to baking sheet. Continue until all pretzels are poached.

Beat egg with 1 tablespoon water. Brush pretzels with egg glaze. Sprinkle with salt. Bake until golden brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Let cool on wire rack, or eat warm. Bask in all of the praise your boyfriend heaps on you, because they are fantastic and you are magic.

Pretzels are best when eaten the same day, but will keep at room temperature, uncovered, for two days. Do not store in a covered container or they will become soggy. And soggy pretzels make the baby Jesus cry.