:|: 24jan02 : bronze makeup

I was in the cosmetic section of a department store with a group of girls. One of them handed me a small square pot of makeup and asked me if I knew what it was. The square pot had a round dollop of shimmery gold creamy makeup in it about the size of a nickel. There was no applicator with the pot, so I opened it in order to get a better idea of its purpose.

I rubbed my finger in it and applied it to my lip, as it was the same consistency of lipstick. I then rubbed a few of my fingers in it then on my cheekbone, making sure to properly blend it into my skin. I pointed out my cheek to the girl who first inquired about it and mentioned that it would make a great bronzer.

I then went walking up and down the makeup aisles in search of another pot of the same color because it had looked so good on me. I bent down to look at one of the bottom shelves. I rummaged around the makeup sitting there and found a few of the small pots covered in clear plastic, yet none of them were the gold color I wanted. I had found a deep cranberry red, a dark purple, and a light pink - all of which would look great on me. But each of the three pots I did find had been squished or tainted with an invading fingernail.

I had this urgency of looking for this makeup and took the few colors I could find. I had a feeling that I was stealing this makeup, but that I desperately needed it. I tried to justify my taking the three pots because of how squished they were. And I also knew that other girls were looking for the same type of makeup.

:|: 23jan02 : birthday party

It was my birthday and someone was throwing me a gigantic party. The banquet room of a prestigious hotel had been reserved and there were many people there - some I knew and some I did not. But that did not bother me because of how much fun I was having. Everyone was called onto the dance floor. I was expecting a dance contest, but instead the DJ passed out climbing harnesses and instructed everyone to put them on.

We did as instructed and realized that each harness was attached to the ceiling with huge bungee cords. I was able to bounce around the large room and almost touch my head to the ceiling. It was a lot of fun. The DJ passed around many different sized Styrofoam balls then said, "Go!" Everyone was unsure of what to do and what the balls were for, so we made up our own rules. It became one large bouncy version of dodge ball.

One boy I did not recognize was lying on the floor appearing wounded. I went to see if he was all right and he nodded his head yes. I turned away and he hit me with his ball. Without speaking and without body language, he communicated to me that I was 'out.' With a big grin on his face and an astonished look on mine, I tossed mine at his foot. I communicated back in the same manner that if I were 'out,' then so was he. But there were no rules and, therefore, no losers.

When we were done, I put on a large bathrobe and walked back towards my room with my husband by my side. I passed the dinner table and saw an old friend Tina sitting at the head of the table in her best formal gown. Her mother was walking towards the table from my right dressed in a similar manner. I had forgotten that dinner required formal wear. I asked Tina's mom if she liked my gown, then hurried to my room to change.

My room looked like a room on a large sea vessel with dark wood walls and a small porthole. I checked the answering machine and saw that there were twelve messages. I found this quite odd since we had only been gone an hour or two. The LED that illuminated the number twelve changed into a small text message that blinked and faded and blinked and rotated. I could not quite make out the words. Then the phone rang.

:|: 15jan02 : luau

My husband and I were in Hawaii at the Hale Koa Hotel luau. We were sitting at the same table we were at during our honeymoon and I understood that this was our second time visiting the island and our second time at this luau. Another couple comes to sit down at our table and I introduce my husband and myself. She was very petite with brown hair, he tall and very skinny, and they both were probably about as young as my husband and I. After the introductions I realize that I recognize the couple. I ask if they had been at this luau last year. The wife said that they had and they recognized us from their table.

We all get up from the table and get drinks at the bar - everyone gets a soda and I recall that last year I hadn't gotten a soda even though I had an extra stub. When we return to the table, it had grown in size and a second table had been added adjacent to it. My mother was sitting across the table from where I was sitting. I go around the table and sit by her side.

After some chatting, the couple and my husband and I walk around a bit outside and we follow them into a building. The entrance to the building was higher than the ground and required mounting steps to get to the door. It is then that I notice the other girl is wearing her hair in a ponytail, a tight black and sporty tank top and a short purple sarong. I figured that she had gotten this outfit from me since it is what I had worn to the luau the preceding year.

:|: 04jan02 : high school group

I was outside and heard someone from behind me whistle and yell, "Nice butt!" I was on a hill looked toward its bottom, and saw two young men running into the woods. I recognized both of them from my high school class, and they were both wearing spandex. I noticed that one of the guys had a very muscular bum and understood why someone would direct such a compliment to him.

I turn around and walk onto a large and decorative balcony. There were large white pillars and decorative architecture outlining the view over the balcony, yet I never got near its edge nor looked at the view. Standing near the edge of the balcony was my old high school group of friends looking through the openings in the architecture over the balcony. One of the boys from the group came to me and placed a comforting and secure arm around my waist, drawing me to the left away from the group. I am unsure if the group even knew I was there. But away from them this boy and I hugged and cuddled and necked, though there was no kissing involved.

:|: 03jan02 : dad held me

I was at my parents' house in their basement in which we used to live. My dog was having a great time playing with my parents' dogs. My oldest brother and his wife came down the stairs, as if they were coming for dinner. The entire family was in the basement sitting around the edges of the basement living room. This large of a family reunion made me feel as if it were a very special holiday or birthday. I was standing in one corner of the living room with my oldest brother sitting on the couch to my immediate right and my husband sitting near the stove in a chair to my immediate left.

All of a sudden my dad was ticking me so ferociously that he pushed me into the corner of the room. I struggled and tried to get away, but he overpowered me. He grabbed both of my breasts with one hand and held me there in the corner. I felt sexually violated and very angry. I was so furious that I was yelling at him to let me go and stop tickling me. But my attempts of escape were futile and, knowing this, I was crying. I looked to my right and my left, seeing my brother and husband and then the rest of my family continue on with conversation as if everything were normal. I wondered why no one was helping me when I was being so obviously assaulted.

Again demanding that my father let me go, he told me that I wasn't strong enough to make him. I began to flail, hitting him with about as much strength one has in their grip immediately upon waking. My fists hit his chest but did no harm to him and did not help my situation. He laughed at my weakness. I told him that I could get more strength when I needed it. I looked directly at my husband and saw his large erect penis and knowing that this was my source of strength. It was not a symbol of sexuality, but of strength and power. With my father still holding me in the corner, I began to push him back away from the walls and into the room.



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